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It was shortly before noon and we had what little shopping we considered absolutely necessary over with and paid for. We were one of the few "cash families" some of the businesses had so we were always made welcome. Because of the times, too many of the farmers were living almost hand to mouth and because of the drought. More and more families had begun to walk away from their farms, abandoning all their hopes and dreams. They became a part of the steady stream of "Okies" headed for California.A photographer for Life Magazine took the saddest picture I ever saw. It was titled, "Death Of A Dream." The picture was of our next door neighbors' house a year after the bank foreclosed. The empty farmhouse, front door ajar and the broken out two front windows looked to my young imagination so much like sad eyes and gaping open mouth of a corpse. Tumbleweeds and drifting sand completed the picture.Mister Barger cried when they drove off, broke and broken, headed to California. Their two young. . out of step with mypeers, especially the boys. But what was going on became a littleclearer a few months ago when my class did a bit on sex ed, mostlyfocused on puberty.I realized that any day I could get hit by testosterone, and startbecoming a man. And I also realized I didnt want that to happen.That given my choice, I'd rather become a girl, and then a woman.But I was too scared to do anything about it. Not that my mom would besome kind of monster, I'm sure she would come around to the idea, butI've looked up the stats. For every girl like Jazz Jennings, there aredozens, maybe hundreds who arent as lucky.It can get pretty bad out there for trans folks. And even though Canadais better than some places in the world, doesnt mean there is no riskof really bad stuff happening to me.So there I was, between a rock and a hard place, too scared to try andbe a girl, too scared to even say that's what I wanted, yet knowing ifI didnt do something, and soon, I'd look less and less like a girl.
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